end scene.

the day was amazing.



yet i still don't want to go to bed alone.

and yet i will.
and i will sleep well.


and i will find the beauty of this space
in the akwardness

until i feel excited for the bed to be filled with only me.

wiping death from the eyes

Today may have been amazing and I wanted to document some of the moments. The moments that swallowed my soul and whispered in my ear: "you are still alive and I will remind you that you are not alone."











the conversations consisted of breakfast of pancakes and coffee, being inspired by blogs, knowing that I love music and being reminded of that, coffee and sexuality/relationships, beers and chemotherapy, thai and dinosaurs, laughter and videos, lars and the real girl and popcorn.

I know that I am loved and I can love. Where can the creativity sprout when my eyes see tomorrow?

i lived inbetween obligation.

there are some days in life you can't describe fully.
today was one of them....

pictures to come.


my life was like a movie today,
I would like to say that I would live it over and over again
but you shouldn't


i would like to remeber this day as the day i gave in.
and sonic youth came though my speakers.

We destroy what we erect.

I have been drawn, changed, and affected by the blog of Ryan Adams . He has a constant stream of thought. Some hard to swallow while others are so raw and so beautiful. To the point where whatever last piece of barrier or wall that I have erect seems to have fallen. I deconstructed it myself as well as the help of love. I am excited by the possibilities this means for my art work, my writing, my school work. The walls seem to have fallen and collapsed on the floor and I am looking at the rubble. The rubble that is my shoes, dirty underwear, the pants that I wore yesterday, the leftover coffee from last week.

The music is loud. The thoughts so fresh. The processing so necessary. I don't want to hide from anything. I don't want to rush or push. I want to let the thoughts be my guide. All the should haves and could haves and xpectations that have been placed upon me since I was a child are stripped away. I think this is what happens when we become new creations. I believe in creativity, and passion, and randomness. I believe in noise, and chaos, and staying up all night listening to the sounds someone else created and placed in your hands to find meaning. I believe we are supposed to be inspired and in the same breath turn around and bless other people.

There will always be new books to read, old records to discover, new ones to create. I want to help make whatever is a little bit better. Things aren't always supposed to make sense. Life isn't supposed to be that hard. We aren't asked to live a life without pain and until we accept that we will live trying to avoid who we are supposed to become.

something is about to change.

The Avett Brothers @ the El Rey

I fell in love with the music of the Avett Brothers not to long ago. The record Emotionalism is a favorite as of late, for the americana feel and raw, passionate lyrics. My friend Travis and I went and saw the Avett Brothers at the El Rey a couple of weeks ago.

Seeing a band live is something that can make or break my experience. The Avett Brothers only made me love them more. Their energy and passion was overwhelming through the first songs, and they reeled you in with their energy, screams, beats, and fantastic lyrics. They are a band hailing from North Carolina where it's obvious that living in the South has shaped their musical personality. That was something I recognized when I walked out of the show. I was amazed at how they understood the music that came before them (Carter Family, Bluegrass) as well as knowing that you always need to push musical lines. They are definitely a group that understands where music also needs to reveal it's current place in history. Beautiful.

Some of our favorite tracks of the night:
"The Ballad of Love and Hate"
"Colorshow"
"Die Die Die"

Here is a video from the tour:


I am a sucker for the banjo. This night was fantastic. Something that only enhances the CD listening experience.