I spent the evening watching Freedom Writers. I know I can’t watch movies like this because they really challenge me, I always want to accept this challenge, and I don’t know how to integrate them all. This is the question I have right now and I know that the response needs to be the church. How do people of faith respond with love? I really do believe it is seeking the needs of the community and walking into that love with a healthy response, not cramming our faith down their throats. That love speaks for itself. People know, people are not fooled. When we walk in that love things begin to happen that are beyond the control of ourselves….because it is not about us in the end it is about walking outside of our pain to see outside of ourselves.
I remember living in Cleveland and there is a moment where I sat on my floor and just stared at the mirror. There was so much pain in my life. I was following the wrong path. That path was not set up for me to win or to succeed but to understand the importance of walking with a limp. I see the pain as really important for my growth as a person who desires to do something bigger than myself.
It's amazing what time can do to heal wounds but the scars are there to remember what that is all about. I am not sad or angry anymore about my past but i do know how important it is to do what you know you need to do. Sometimes that means running hard and other days that means resting. I know that my life is just where it needs to be. It's amazing what the statement can do to soothe the soul. I am tired and I am weary but i know that I am in the right place.
I had this feeling when I was the women's director at Spring Hill a couple of summers ago. I knew in my heart that is where I needed to be and I never doubted myself, my gifts, or my ability to serve. Since being at Fuller that sense of clarity seems to be showing itself once again. A couple of weeks ago I decided to participate in a post-lent experience. One that was cleansing to the soul and cleansing to the eyes.
I know that everything has a purpose and a proper intent. The logic that once seemed to be the footholds of my life have turned to no longer take the weight or importance that I once had so hoped for.