Thursday, January 31, 2008

These faces are for you.

Having a New Years resolution like Simple Pleasures has been one of the best decisions I have made for myself in quite some time. It has helped me to take life one day at a time. Not looking at SUCH the big picture that I loose focus on what has happened in the here and now. I like that life seems to play itself out that way. I am trying to look at the moment rather than all of the would-have, should-haves, and could haven been. This is really hard but the beauty of these moments are more intense than I would have ever realized before this.

I like that life can be unpredictable and I love the random moments that share grace upon me.

I am slowly putting my guard down which allows the fears to escape me. To untie themselves from the caverns of my heart and my mind. I am letting myself get to a space where vulnerability is not such a bad word or a bad emotion. I think life is meant to be lived. I feel lucky that my life has been eventful. I don't wish half of these events on anyone because the beauty has to filtered with experiencing pain. The pain is obviously necessary for without it we would never really sense the full scope of what is really beautiful.

I feel like i lived my life today with simple wonder, without fear, without all those what-ifs that tie you down and suffocate you. I am doing things for me. I am the only one that can do that. All I can say is that I am grateful for the people I have in my life. It is not limited to today but all of these people who have made my life better.

I read this quote the other day from Miranda July and have tried to live out this thought as a practice:

Do you have doubts about life? Are you unsure if it is worth the trouble? Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person's face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. They are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing. Stand up and face the east. Now praise the sky and praise the light within each person under the sky. It's okay to be unsure. But praise, praise, praise.

I think I will continue to practice this.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Some videos to interject the words

This week I have found some fun videos that make me smile:

Feist does it again with an exciting video for "I Feel it All". This is one of my favorite songs from the record and just the thought of putting fireworks to song makes my heart smile.

I may not be the biggest Damien Rice fan but I think this song is really quite beautiful. The piano mixed with Lisa Hannigans voice is super classy. I have watched this a few times and appreciate the narrative. I like this version better than the original. I think it gives the song the angst it really needs.

This video always makes me smile and Sigur Ros has been on my mind lately. I think it can be summed up as simple beauty.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Week Three Reading

Contextual Theology:
"Even the biblical message was developed in a dialogue with human experience, culture, and cultural and social change, and a theology that neither issues forth in action nor takes account of the way one lives one's life can hardly be theology that is worth very much" (33). I love this statement because I think it is really true of the core of why I live a life that is theologically based. On a separate note I wonder how globalization fits into separate models of theology. Grant I recognize that a theology needs to be developed from your current cultural standpoint but how does that work when you have multiple cultures in a space? How does our language move from context to context?

Theology and Pop Culture:
I enjoyed reading this chapter for a theological history of different historians views on interacting with culture. I would like more time to read through the work of Paul Tillich at some point. I think he might be a good way to understand how one deconstructs theological values to see how they work within a current cultural context. It was interesting to hear that Cobb wanted Tillich to have more recognition within cultural theory. I question has theology done the work to do the right to be heard? Just one voice verses many voices that don't want culture to be integrated.

Cultural Studies: Chapter 5
This chapter focuses on scientific data of the body. The body is an important and valuable entity that people are willing to talk about whether it be biologically or scientifically. Where does theology play a role in these advanced understandings of who we are? Can theology come back into this type of conversation that allows the body to be reentered into our theological scope? I hope that our work of understanding creation and value can challenge our hope for a stronger theology.

Cultural Studies: Chapter 6
It's interesting how these two chapters happen to be some of the topics that I am most interested in lately. How we value our consumer goods and what needs to be valued is vitally important. I think understanding postmodernism, post-industrial, disorganized capitalism is valuable to combine our theology with. I know that sounds somewhat like a broken record from the chapter before but I think our theology and theologians don't know how to connect these valuable disciplines with how one relates to how we view God and spirituality in our life.

Sitting in class today I realized that I would like to make connections between the reading and the the class discussion. I know that some of the cultural theory seems like a distant connection with a theological conversation. The missional church is important and it something that future leaders of the church needs to wrestle with but I think the reading has A LOT to offer into how to engage and dialogue with the future mission of the church. How we make meaning, who we are, how we buy and consume things is really important to understanding where we should go with our philosophy of ministry. I don't know if that sounds crazy but I think that is what I would like to be talking about instead. Maybe that's just me.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

I Feel it All

The topic of this week seemed to be over and over again: relationships. It's been awhile since I have been in one. Every once in awhile the topic will show itself a matter of importance and so the conversations began! For me I thought about where we learn the most about relationships. It's funny growing up there is this wierd expectation that not only when you receive some sort of diploma you also receive a wedding ring. Well I almost have a second diploma and I still haven't seem to graduate with the 'ring'. anyone can see I relate a lot of my life to music and this experience is no different.

Rockin out in my car the other day with my friend Anna we got into a conversation about the music and lyrics of Feist. Her lyrics are beautiful and possess a lot of similar beliefs about love and getting through life. Some of my favorite lines are: The truth lies... Another would be: So much present inside my present/ Inside my present much past. I think what happens with her lyrics is the relationships that happen when you are past the early twenties and you still haven't made a commitment to marriage. (IF you are married please don't take this the wrong way. I am trying to relate my own experiences with the experiences of a singer/songwriter that I have really resonated with). The song "Limit to Your Love" is a song that I resonate with every time I hear it. It is a story of how women give all of themselves in the relationship and the ones that don't really work have limiters that block the flow of what could be so amazing.

Pain and the relationships (or lack there of) that cause this type of pain seems to be a natural response in life. It seems like it has to happen so we can grow and develop as strong and healthy human beings. The pain has helped me grow as a woman. I would never trade the relationships I have had or haven't had. The pain and brokenness can sometimes be overwhelming but I am grateful for the experiences. These songwriters write so beautifully and capture a similar experience in their craft.

Rosie Thomas is another artist that I really value and appreciate. I have a friend who assimilated her life lately with the Kite Song. The lyrics say: Oh, tie me to the end of a kite/ So I can go on, I can go on with my life. Rosie has a way to talk about the tedious nature of your early twenties. This is the space where you maybe have figured out what you want to do with your life and you are trying to start living out all the starry-eyed dreams. These are the dreams of laying out in the grass and speculating about how great you will become as you overthrow the hands of oppression that seem so strong and mighty.

Another great song is Much Farther to Go. "I have much farther to go/Everything is new and so unpredictable/ I should just kick my heels together and go home/ But I'm not sure where that is anymore." Rosie and fellow songwriter, Denison Witmer, played at Fuller last spring. She introduced songs with little stories and antidotes. She explained the next song that she would be singing would be Death Came and Got Me, she said that it is a depressing title and to renew it she would call it, Life. That struck me as so true. There are the moments that swoop in and seem so unbearable, almost like something inside of you died. I don't know where I thought or what memo lied to me and said that life should be easy. It's not and I don't think we are promised ease. I think life includes the difficult moments.

I hope one day the right relationship comes along, until then I am grateful for women who are willing to share their experiences. They seem to be able to stand up one of these days, brush ourselves off, take a deep breath, and start over again. We learn from the brokenness and we breathe in the possibilities of what the future can hold.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Hipster Baby 101

My friend Wess and his wife Emily had a baby girl about a month ago. With the craziness of Christmas, the end of a quarter, the start of a new one, and incessant paper writing it took me awhile to put these gifts together. But she's a baby and doesn't know that the gifts are late so I felt alight to be about a month late.

Before she was born I took it upon myself to be her self proposed hipster life coach. I desire to help guide her in the ways of being a baby hipster. The swoopy bangs are still growing in so until that time comes I thought I would help her with fashion consciousness as well as musical taste.

The gift idea came when I realized that the Wilco store sold baby clothes. Since I am now the hipster life coach I knew that the baby needed right off the bat a little onesie with the Wilco logo on it. I also know that she really enjoys In Rainbows from Radiohead. The girl needs to represent from the crib so I decided that you can't really buy Radiohead onesies I would make some. The picture above has four different designs. They are all really fun and unique and best of all organic. My favorite one might be the one that says "My Dino Can Eat Your Dino." I hope she likes dinosaurs as much as I do.

No baby can go without great music. A few days after her birth I was asked to compile some songs for LL to introduce her into hopefully a lifetime love of great music. After going through my music and just dropping them into a playlist, I realized that I had a lot of songs and it needed to be in a couple of parts. These are some of my favorite songs from throughout the years. Here is the track listing:

Baby Hipster ABC's...Part One
1. No Ones gonna love you... Band of Horses
2. To Be Alone with You... Sufjan Stevens
3. Wonderwall... Ryan Adams
4. Pillars... Sunny Day Real Estate
5. The Luckiest... Ben Folds
6. The Orchids... Califone
7. The Trapeze Swinger... Iron and Wine
8. Impossible Germany... Wilco
9. Pretty Dress... Rosie Thomas
10. God Only Knows... The Beach Boys
11. Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl... Broken Social Scene
12.The Lakes of Canada... Innocence Mission
13. Matinee... Damien Jurado
14. First Day of My Life... Bright Eyes
15. True Love Waits... Radiohead
16. Only In Dreams... Weezer
17. Do You Realize?... The Flaming Lips

A Hipsters Guide to Being a Baby: Part Two
1. Chicago... Sufjan Stevens
2. Heavy Metal Drummer... Wilco
3. I Feel it All... Feist
4. Isn't She Lovely... Stevie Wonder
5. Staring At the Sun... TV on the Radio
6. Arcarsenal... At the Drive-In
7. Search and Destroy.. Iggy and the Stooges
8. Lousy Reputation... We Are Scientist
9. Night On Fire... VHS or Beta
10. Glass Danse... The Faint
11. Helicopter... Bloc Party
12. Damnit... Blink 182
13. Ain't No Trip to Cleveland... Brandston
14. Lord Leopard... Caribou
15. Stronger... Kanye West
16. Pattern Recognition... Sonic Youth
17. Paint It Black... The Rolling Stones
18. That Right Ain't Shit... The Books
19. King of Carrot Flowers Part ... Neutral Milk Hotel
20. Where It's At... Beck
21. If You Leave... Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark

So this is the beginning of the baby hipster movement. I can't say it will catch on but at least LL will be one cool baby!! Wait she already is. I can't wait until she is old enough where I can take her on little trips to the record store or hipster clothes shopping!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Class Review: Emerging Church

Class today was about the basic foundation of emerging churches. The ideas and basic principles of the emerging church relate to issues of love, grace, compassion, and justice. I was struck with the question of why wouldn't we want these as the identifier of Christian faith? I think it's interesting to ask the question and seek understanding of why people would want to stay in a dwindling church with lack of action and deadening of community. How do we function in our world with two languages? Modern and Post-Modern. I believe in a space without extreme absolutes. Why not be moved and keep moving? Why is the church afraid of progress?

I want the ability to be free in who I am and who I am becoming. I don't want to limit myself and I certainly never want to limit others. Can we get out of our own ways? Can we move past our own fear of the unknown and jump in to wrestling with the present instead of the un-lived future?

The importance of cultural theory seems foundational into understanding the best way to love. Love means we die to ourselves for the knowledge of all people as well as to ourselves. It made me remember the song War on War on Wilco. It goes something like this:
It's a war on war
It's a war on war
There's a war on

You're gonna lose
You have to lose
You have to learn how to die

Let's watch the miles flying by
Let's watch the miles flying by
You are not my typewriter
But you could be my demon
Moving forward through flaming doors

You have to lose
You have to learn how to die
If you want to want to be alive


You have to lose
You have to lose
You have to learn how to die
If you want to want to be alive

You have to die
You have to die
You have to learn how to die
If you want to want to be alive


Seems simple enough......right?

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

and with my last dying breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

I feel like I am emerging from this coma of sleep. Somewhere in the last few years I stopped living or what I thought was living took a radically different shape or form. The form of me slumped in a chair, book in hand, was about all I could do. Something seems to be shifting in me.

One: I have been doing yoga and the lack of good exercise over the years is catching up to me. I am moving toxins in my body and by doing that kick started me to physically sleep for 18 hours on Friday. It was crazy. I never do that. I think my body wanted me stop just for a moment and catch up to all the other stuff it knows how to do. I need to move my practice to twice a week instead of just once. I think I wouldn't have such a hard time moving around and doing the things I need to do. I have been blessed with my yoga practice. It has given me the much needed confidence boost to see how valuable and lucky I am to have a body and how that connects spiritually and academically. It's been a great space of much needed healing and valuable connection to my life.

Being a more open person helps you to laugh and to let go. Last night among friends my favorite records and songs from undergrad began to spill from the speakers. Dashboard, Taking Back Sunday, Get Up Kids, Saves the Day, American Football. All of these I could place myself back into certain moments. I used to spend so much time in my Brown '92 Ford Ranger lovingly titled The Brown Bomber, screaming the lyrics that last night got us shushed. There is something about finding meaning in these bands and being able to translate them into a night full of laughter and realizing that all of us are from many different spaces on the map. I love that music can be such a huge connecter because of having similiar experiences with lyrics, sounds, beats, and scenes.

Sometimes remembering the past can heal you in your present. There is something beautiful about these experiences that leave you with a smile, that glow in your heart, and those faint memories that were the good ones even though there might have been so much pain that surrounded those....How funny that I don't listen to these bands anymore, how my tastes have moved on or that my time has moved away from driving to and from shows every weekend.

How these two tie together is something I am just realizing but I don't think it needs a huge explanation. It is the simple pleasures in life that is getting me through.

Chapters 2 reading

Contextual Theology: Interesting concepts regarding how we view our worldview in light of other worldviews. How we view others and others life situations always comes with biases and re-appropriation of how we understand someone else's contexts. I think I realized that we need to be patient with others and be good listeners as we engage all people who are basically not our family.

Theology and Popular Culture/ Chapter 3 of Barker:
These chapters both really reflected the beginnings and than post-meanings of cultural theory. I love that we engage with meanings and purposes of what we do in cultural theory. I love that everything comes back to these concepts and that we all have different meanings associated with our experiences. I think this can help tolerance not just culturally but also expand religious tolerance. I think with cultural theory we come to a healthier theology but I believe that contexts with Beavins in contextual theology when we need to see life as wither redemptive or sinful. For me I will pick redemptive, otherwise what's the point? I struggle still with Cobb a bit. I think he is clear in his relating to cultural thoughts and theology but I struggled with one of his later points that theologians were the only ones to be able to see and articulate clearly the meaning of culture. I struggle because there are only a handful of theologians doing the work....On to next week to see his point but it is turning me off.....

Chapter 4 Barker:
I really enjoyed this chapter because it gave me very simple definitions to Philosophical interpretations of culture. I have been wrestling with Derrida and Focault and how I place meaning and how to understanding of that meaning for sometime now. I think these are not the easiest thinkers to wrestle with but undeniably valuable and very important.

Comment on Simon's blog .

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

to have a dialogue

For sometime now I have been pondering something I heard a few months ago in a random moment in class. We were talking about the importance of music and this came to be: the definition of jazz means to have a dialogue.

And so I have been sitting on this. Music having a dialogue. The layers and textures filter emotion and meaning. We tell stories with beats, rhythms, and harmonies. Miles Davis's Kind of Blue has been playing pretty frequently as I study. There is something about this record that blows me away. The simplicity and the complexities interweaving itself throughout the record. The piano and trumpet speak to one another, not in a call and response kind of way, but a dialogue of emotion. The drums slice in that tiptoe in and out of the conversation, sometime taking command while most of the time is just in the background guiding.

I wish I had better words to express how I feel but I think the music tells it's story. I love that there are no lyrics in jazz. You command the story, you insert your story into the charts, you make the meaning, and you let the emotion take you on the journey.

I don't know why that phrase, to have a dialogue, has been so important to me lately. I have been carrying it in the other forms of music that I have entered into lately. Every time I listen lately I am trying to understand the full scope of the conversation. What is each piece trying to tell one another and then what is the whole trying to say to the listener? Somedays I think hard about this and then there are other days when I just put the windows down, drive on the freeway as fast as the cars ahead of me will let me, and sing horrible pop songs. The conversation is no longer necessary, it's just commanding my emotions for a moment.

Week Two: Wednesday

Today in class we recognized the historic beginnings of cultural theory. It was interesting lecture from Ryan followed by a discussion of what would Jesus do with the differing view of cultural theory. I think at this moment I checked out. I struggle with placing Jesus in 1965. I have trouble placing Christ in our current cultural conversation because it means that we have not placed Christ in our current cultural conversations for some time. How far has Christian dialogue removed itself from the foundational practices of Christ? I think it's a difficult demand because we want Jesus' culture to fit our understanding of our present context. I think there are merits but it provides new problems. The problems are do we create new meaning to how we understand Christ? and what part of Jesus' cultural climate not extend a hand in our present experiences? Is there a better way that theology place itself in the cultural conversation without overly spiritualizing, or dumbing down, the beautiful complex nature of Christ.

On a more upbeat hand I do see the create spirit existent in culture. There are pockets of humanity that are striving to insert that freedom and grace back into our daily conversations and that to me is the spirit of Christ.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Class Homework Week One

The introduction to cultural theory is an interesting task. My thoughts are:

"To write this book I have had to live in digitized, cathod rays, and and news print artifacts more than I am ordinarily inclined to do." The sentence in the acknowledgments states my issues with this writer. If you are being stretched to understand culture by diving into culture why are you writing this book? You need to dive into culture and live in it comfortably and freely to REALLy understand where culture is. From the Blackwell Companion to Theology and Pop Culture

I really liked the Barker book because it had clear concise understandings of the beginnings of cultural theory. The definitions were simply laid out and really cast a strong understanding of how and why someone would engage in popular culture. Though dense because it's textbook design it does seem important to recognize the definitions of what culture is.

Bevins Contextual theology book is a nice book. I think its interesting though that we, in the last few years are just starting to make connections in theology with popular culture. Why is this a new discipline and how is Christendom in diciline? For being in decline is this healthy thing for the church? Can we rise up from the ashes and make a new, healthier church for a new post-modern context.

I am intrigued with the history of cultural theory. I think it's a topic that should be in every school and every college. It's interesting to note where it came from. People wanted to be elitist, have their knowledge and their understanding be known, followed, understood. I like there was a split of high and popular culture. I think it's interesting to note that the church didn't change, the church didn't recognize that people were not connecting with this all so high art of preaching and teaching and there were some who wanted to create how they were inside culture and interacted with it. Why do we still struggle with this today? What is the blocker for us to see what is standing in the way of seeing people where they are at?

Saturday, January 12, 2008

I am Trying to Break your Heart

The week of hustling doesn't seem to cease and this day is going to be busy as well. The Ipod has been jammed in the ears and instead of making yet another choice I let shuffle figure it out for me. I am still amazed when Yankee Hotel Foxtrot comes into my headphones. Every time the music plays there is something new that emerges out of the layers. The record is amazing. I know I talk a lot about Wilco but I think they are worth being talked about. It's hard for me to not LOVE this band.

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is one of those records I received after exploring further Indie Music websites and everyone said that this was something 'you had to have.' The first listen was awkward, hard to listen to, I certainly didn't get it. There are noise screeches, long draws out sounds, layers of music that just sounded plain weird to me. But something happened in the third or fourth listen that had me entrenched. I couldn't stop listening to what I was hearing, every time something new would come to the ears. Listening in the car, listening to it on CD, listening to it on MPS, listening to it on CD with headphones, and the clincher is listening to it on vinyl with headphones. Every place is a new experience.

The recording and production is flawless. The layers are deep, heavy, beautiful. Some days you just here the guitar and there are some days you pick up a violin or a harp, little tinkles of noise that brighten or darken the sound. It's a musical masterpiece. It's just that good. There are a lot of records that I like. I think I can appreciate just about anything and understand what it was trying to say, but then there are records like this that are gems. From beginning to end you are taken on a journey. The journey is heart breaking, confusing, lonely, reminiscent. I think for Jeff Tweedy and for myself.

If you don't have it go. Go right now, don't hesitate, don't think twice, get it and be patient with the record. The time spent will grant you a beautiful reward.

Friday, January 11, 2008

The body (both physical and communal)

The week has been crazy. Life I had mentioned earlier I have started the new quarter has begun and new expectations come with that. I don't really feel the transition though. I have been entrenched this week finishing a paper about Body Theology. It has become a real passion and a real interest for me the last few years and I am excited that it is being written in academic form. I have come to terms with my nerdom and pleased to be writing something that really embodies a lot of subjects that interest me: the church sucking, the body, feminism, theology, culture.

I couldn't be happier with how things are turning out for me and this paper. I would like to be done sooner than later but I don't know if that will happen. Life seems to swoop in but I think with enough coffee I will end up alright.

In a completely different note I am exploring a new method of practicing my spirituality. I am trying to meditate on a daily basis, giving either my morning or evening a bit of a rest and listen to what is happening in my life. I am trying to face the fears in my life and understand where they come from and why they exist. I am trying to recognize the places of hurt and pain, forgive them, and walk on with a new understanding. I am also practicing yoga. I want my body to catch up to where I have been working my mind. My mind is a tough muscle but my body has taken to being lazy. The most change I have experienced is that I went to a real church on Sunday. Pasadena Mennonite graciously opened their doors to the spiritual practices I believe in. They talked about serving our neighbors with environmental practices and the sermon touched on the grace and unity when we work together rather than compartmentalize our beliefs and understandings.

Something I noticed about myself is that I didn't fight through the service. I was around familiar faces and new ones that seemed kind. I was happy to be in the environment and felt at peace when I was offered communion. I think there might be something to community and meeting together. I don't know what it will look like but I would like to attend more frequently. I think I am beginning to make my home here in Southern California so I might as well settle in.

Back to the's to a healthy conclusion!!

Week One: Wednesday

I really enjoyed the class on WEdnesday. I think it is really important to recognize that the Western church doesn't have their act together when it comes to the local church. It's interesting to think about the fact that we are in a Seminary where there are many people, myself included, that have been broken by the church and doesn't feel the love, grace, and compassion that is offered by the gospel. Where have we gone astray? How much does pride and nobility play a role? and how do we come back to the basics after all that is gone array?

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Week One: Class One

Before the last quarter has even ended for me the new one is just beginning. I think it's exciting to think I only have four classes left. As an assignment for the class I have to blog bi-weekly about my thoughts about the class conversation as well as thoughts on the readings. I debated about getting a new blog or using this one, but since this is little blog here is about culture and how that dialogues with my daily life and spirituality I will continue to use this guy. The topics are going to vary from anywhere from art to feminism, pop culture, and digital media. I am looking forward to not only my thoughts about these topics but the chance to sit down and finally read cover to cover a cultural theory textbook. I think that makes me a nerd....

In other notes I am doing yet another directed reading with Barry Taylor about Practical theology. It's going to be great for the fact that I am going to do some practical work in conjunction with the reading. This will look like going to art museums and shows and dialoguing about the spiritual significance of these events as well as well with the reading. It looks like it will be a great time.

I am going to busy this quarter because I have a lot of odds and ends floating around. Coffee shop, babysitting, writing articles, being awesome....well maybe not the last one but I sure hope that I try!

Friday, January 4, 2008

a simple pleasure

There is not much more in life than when it rains for me. I think because it is so rare that opens up old memories, old coping rain mechanisms that come into play. I think it’s the soothing noise, the quietness of the every going city that has been asked to stop for just a moment. In the winter I am used to the snow and now I am becoming accustomed to rain instead.

Tonight there was laughter and now there is just the sound of rain and beautiful soft melodies to remind me what I have in my life. The rain calms me. The rain had me boil water and insert a tea bag into my favorite mug. The rain has me curled up on the couch in a blanket left behind from miles of traveling. The rain has guided me to the sounds of Miles Davis. And the rain has left me to my own thoughts and to my own healing.

I have been run down and tired, plagued with a cold and the desire to just lay on the couch. I don’t have the time to be lazy but that’s all I can do. I have just finished the book Eat, Pray, Love from Elizabeth Gilbert. It was such a lovely book, one that set in me a chance to recognize where I have come from, my own depression, my own spiritual journey from moving out of that space. I found peace while reading the book and have come to a new understanding about myself. I loved the simplicity and the character of her honest portrayal of her journey. I loved the ability to give yourself over to the journey and see where the beauty of living and loving will take you. It’s opened me up to the next chapter of my life. I seem to be open to desire, to claiming what I want out of life. I want to see with new eyes and finally let go of all of my fears and step into this next part with the ‘what-ifs,’ buts, and should nots. I am tired of those phrases and tired of not living up to the potential of what my life can become. So thank you Elizabeth for revealing yourself and so by doing that revealing a part of myself to me.

I also am about to finish the collection of short stories by Miranda July called: No one Belongs Here More than You. These are really beautiful short stories that either touch your heart or make you flinch. She pushes the boundaries of humanity. She pushes your comfort level and where what you think now might not be the absolute finality. I love her easy flowing writing style. She has both wit and charm that is willing to test your boundaries but then fill you with hope when you think that we have reached a spot of empty.

The rain is healing and it looks like this is where my life is heading as well. The rain is washing away what once was and hopefully providing a new opportunity of what can be. That’s a cycle I can live with and place my hope and understanding into. Tonight is not a night for wishing for what I don’t have but being grateful for the things I do.