stripped blankets and cold sheets.

I battle
back and forth
with the thoughts that
keep me bound
to this bed

i wonder what it would have been
like if i didn't think
about your body as it
laid so still
your voice so close to
my ears
and the smile that rarely
disapperead

i wonder what it might
be
if

if things were different
and the lonely nights
were filled
with laughter
and the acknowledgment
that we were no longer alone

it is these thoughts
that keep me now
staring out dark windows
to the sidewalks that are wet
and quiet
lone cigarette butts inhabiting the asphalt

your footsteps were there
on those cement cracks
i can see your feet
like the dream
that you once carried
in your tattered green notebook
and your sleep deprived eyes

I imagined you
and now what is real is
the blue pillow noticeably untouched.