Tuesday, January 22, 2008

and with my last dying breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

I feel like I am emerging from this coma of sleep. Somewhere in the last few years I stopped living or what I thought was living took a radically different shape or form. The form of me slumped in a chair, book in hand, was about all I could do. Something seems to be shifting in me.

One: I have been doing yoga and the lack of good exercise over the years is catching up to me. I am moving toxins in my body and by doing that kick started me to physically sleep for 18 hours on Friday. It was crazy. I never do that. I think my body wanted me stop just for a moment and catch up to all the other stuff it knows how to do. I need to move my practice to twice a week instead of just once. I think I wouldn't have such a hard time moving around and doing the things I need to do. I have been blessed with my yoga practice. It has given me the much needed confidence boost to see how valuable and lucky I am to have a body and how that connects spiritually and academically. It's been a great space of much needed healing and valuable connection to my life.

Being a more open person helps you to laugh and to let go. Last night among friends my favorite records and songs from undergrad began to spill from the speakers. Dashboard, Taking Back Sunday, Get Up Kids, Saves the Day, American Football. All of these I could place myself back into certain moments. I used to spend so much time in my Brown '92 Ford Ranger lovingly titled The Brown Bomber, screaming the lyrics that last night got us shushed. There is something about finding meaning in these bands and being able to translate them into a night full of laughter and realizing that all of us are from many different spaces on the map. I love that music can be such a huge connecter because of having similiar experiences with lyrics, sounds, beats, and scenes.

Sometimes remembering the past can heal you in your present. There is something beautiful about these experiences that leave you with a smile, that glow in your heart, and those faint memories that were the good ones even though there might have been so much pain that surrounded those....How funny that I don't listen to these bands anymore, how my tastes have moved on or that my time has moved away from driving to and from shows every weekend.

How these two tie together is something I am just realizing but I don't think it needs a huge explanation. It is the simple pleasures in life that is getting me through.


glenn said...

Great post Amy. Over Christmas I had my ipod on shuffle, and back came ELO and Last Train to London. That train brought me back to early 1980s school discos and a more recent trip down through Germany and France to the French Alps to follow the Tour de France and do some cycling for a few days with a long-time friend. They were such intense memories I was deeply moved. Music is wonderful. Thanks for the reminder.

glenn said...
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グレン ヒルズ said...

I saw this: http://ztohoven.com/ and thought of you. There are passages in english at the bottoms of the pages.

I'll call you,