There is not much more in life than when it rains for me. I think because it is so rare that opens up old memories, old coping rain mechanisms that come into play. I think it’s the soothing noise, the quietness of the every going city that has been asked to stop for just a moment. In the winter I am used to the snow and now I am becoming accustomed to rain instead.
Tonight there was laughter and now there is just the sound of rain and beautiful soft melodies to remind me what I have in my life. The rain calms me. The rain had me boil water and insert a tea bag into my favorite mug. The rain has me curled up on the couch in a blanket left behind from miles of traveling. The rain has guided me to the sounds of Miles Davis. And the rain has left me to my own thoughts and to my own healing.
I have been run down and tired, plagued with a cold and the desire to just lay on the couch. I don’t have the time to be lazy but that’s all I can do. I have just finished the book Eat, Pray, Love from Elizabeth Gilbert. It was such a lovely book, one that set in me a chance to recognize where I have come from, my own depression, my own spiritual journey from moving out of that space. I found peace while reading the book and have come to a new understanding about myself. I loved the simplicity and the character of her honest portrayal of her journey. I loved the ability to give yourself over to the journey and see where the beauty of living and loving will take you. It’s opened me up to the next chapter of my life. I seem to be open to desire, to claiming what I want out of life. I want to see with new eyes and finally let go of all of my fears and step into this next part with the ‘what-ifs,’ buts, and should nots. I am tired of those phrases and tired of not living up to the potential of what my life can become. So thank you Elizabeth for revealing yourself and so by doing that revealing a part of myself to me.
I also am about to finish the collection of short stories by Miranda July called: No one Belongs Here More than You. These are really beautiful short stories that either touch your heart or make you flinch. She pushes the boundaries of humanity. She pushes your comfort level and where what you think now might not be the absolute finality. I love her easy flowing writing style. She has both wit and charm that is willing to test your boundaries but then fill you with hope when you think that we have reached a spot of empty.
The rain is healing and it looks like this is where my life is heading as well. The rain is washing away what once was and hopefully providing a new opportunity of what can be. That’s a cycle I can live with and place my hope and understanding into. Tonight is not a night for wishing for what I don’t have but being grateful for the things I do.