Wednesday, April 9, 2008


I have been meaning to write some thoughts but they are jumbled or sparse or not ready to be articulated. I have encountered both beauty and pain this week. Really what's new....I have been meaning to say something about music and how it has given me solace and hope and a sense of peace as of late. The Bon Iver song "Skinny Love" has arrested my soul, just like the new Death Cab song did the week before, and the week before that was The Avett Brothers and Bright Eyes. I have connected and have found new depth in a space where I thought was already deep and vast but on the other side looked so narrow, just wide enough where my hips could eek through. The love and the beauty that the sounds bring forth arrest me. It changes my mood, it changes my attitude. It has given me the permission to ask new questions and lately to be satisfied with answers I have received before this.

Somewhere along the way I thought life was supposed to be easy. Now I just realize it is just supposed to be beautiful and when I say beautiful I don't mean our Western expectations of beauty. Lately I have found beauty in the garbage, in the uncomfortable moments. Where I once had fear it is no longer there. Where I was was timid I now open my mouth. I know what I want. It has taken a long time to get there but it nice that in this moment of time there seems to be some sort of direction without a plan of how to get there. It's funny how life moves and where it moves you to.

Life is really what you make it to be. Lately it's because I can't get away from the sounds that ooze from life. Music has been my place of solace and rest. A soundtrack that makes some days that could feel so dead feel so alive...I hope my life is never devoid of music and the place that it exists in my life. I don't think I can ever get enough...

It's funny the song that is playing at the moment is Over the Rhine and Karen reminds us....
I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear

and that's what I will try to do....


Grant Wahlquist said...

I love you, you beautiful specimen of womanhood.

charissa said...

oh amen. amen.

(ps. it's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language you can't read...... just yet. oh ben you kill me.)