Saturday, April 19, 2008

We destroy what we erect.

I have been drawn, changed, and affected by the blog of Ryan Adams . He has a constant stream of thought. Some hard to swallow while others are so raw and so beautiful. To the point where whatever last piece of barrier or wall that I have erect seems to have fallen. I deconstructed it myself as well as the help of love. I am excited by the possibilities this means for my art work, my writing, my school work. The walls seem to have fallen and collapsed on the floor and I am looking at the rubble. The rubble that is my shoes, dirty underwear, the pants that I wore yesterday, the leftover coffee from last week.

The music is loud. The thoughts so fresh. The processing so necessary. I don't want to hide from anything. I don't want to rush or push. I want to let the thoughts be my guide. All the should haves and could haves and xpectations that have been placed upon me since I was a child are stripped away. I think this is what happens when we become new creations. I believe in creativity, and passion, and randomness. I believe in noise, and chaos, and staying up all night listening to the sounds someone else created and placed in your hands to find meaning. I believe we are supposed to be inspired and in the same breath turn around and bless other people.

There will always be new books to read, old records to discover, new ones to create. I want to help make whatever is a little bit better. Things aren't always supposed to make sense. Life isn't supposed to be that hard. We aren't asked to live a life without pain and until we accept that we will live trying to avoid who we are supposed to become.

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